Original article published in Italian in the blog Italian pot

A year and a half ago Viola, my daughter, was born. An experience that overwhelmed me. Of emotions, of events, of teachings. Light and darkness, love and fear, the beauty of a new life and the end of an era.

After childbirth begins the most intense adventure one can experience: becoming a mother. Because a mother is not born, but one is born at the very moment that little baby breathes in this new world.

It is a process of patience, self-love, of moments when you find yourself poised between a line of love and a line of loss. You find yourself responsible for a tiny creature who depends on you, no matter what. Your life becomes an interweaving of ancestral emotions, many times remaining hidden until then in the most vulnerable parts of one’s being.

I am Marta, I write for Italian Pot as a mother, woman and professional and in this first article I would like to share with you the six learning pills I have learned in the first (and revolutionary!) year and a half of living with my daughter. Because while it is true that many sides of me have changed, so many others have transformed me into a resourceful person I didn’t even know I had:

1. Becoming a mother is the hardest job I have ever done, but also the one in which I have learned the most in my life. A year and a half ago I had no idea how much I would have to learn. Becoming a mother was like doing a big reset of everything I knew in pre-Viola life: I felt vulnerable, new, and inadequate on many issues I had read about, but which then overwhelmed me in daily reality.
2. Moms are made, not born. In today’s society we are bombarded with a thousand news stories about what “you should do,” how “your child should behave.” Do, do, do. Not to mention that giving birth to a baby is like climbing Everest (a midwife’s words) physically and mentally. Becoming a mother is a labor of patience, doubts, fears and joys. And unfortunately there is always too little time left to understand how it feels. It is crucial to support new mothers: not only have they given birth to someone, but also to a new self.
3. Becoming a mother is a matter of trial and error, a constant testing without thinking too much about how it will go. Becoming a mother is a work of constant change, resilience, creativity. Every day you start with a new test: trying, but mostly failing. Because, let’s face it, it is not easy to understand a newborn or a baby. But with infinite patience you find the right solution. If it is not this problem solving.
4. There is no perfect version of mother. Just as there is no perfect job for everyone. Let’s destroy this myth that makes us feel unfit. A mother is a volcano of feelings and actions that are dictated by love for her daughter or son. But being a mother should also coincide in wanting the best for us also as professionals, as women. And on this point I appeal to companies, to those who make the important decisions in the work and educational fields: to seize the thousand potentials of mothers, offer the flexibility they need. You will then see what results they will be able to achieve.
5. The power of being a mother: how to discover you can do it. Sleepless nights, waking up with no energy but then realizing that you can do it all. With a smile. The time management I thought I had before was really easy compared to the schedules I found myself having with my daughter. I became a doctor, a psychologist, a researcher, a manager in a lot of previously unknown fields. Magic.
6. The importance of acceptance. I learned to accept that many times I cannot do all the things that are in my head, but that I actually do many more “micro” activities every day. The fact is that Viola, as she grows, also makes me grow. Asking me questions I didn’t ask myself before, perspectives I didn’t consider before. With her, I too complete a year and a half of new awareness, of a new me. Like any story worth its salt, there is always a moral, which should be clear to everyone:
7. Give a mom a chance to shine: She will do so in a way heretofore unknown even to her.